When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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