the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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