I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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