can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize