I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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