Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
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you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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