A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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