he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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