new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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