we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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