I got her a Nickelback box set.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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