You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My life is pants optional.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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