omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize