There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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