just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
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I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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