I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
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Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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