ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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