She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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