everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize