I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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