her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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