atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
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we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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