i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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