I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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