he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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