my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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