you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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