$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize