Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize