I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
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there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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