I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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