Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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