saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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