if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
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Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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