I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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