do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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