apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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