I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
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what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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