I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize