okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize