I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize