I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
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This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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