I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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