those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize