My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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