After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize