He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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