God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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