highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
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I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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