i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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